Volume One, Chapter Eight: The Apprenticeship Ceremony

After pacing back and forth for a long time, Dough finally mustered his courage and stepped out of the basin. He moved stealthily, afraid to make even the slightest noise.

“Heh heh… Little fatty…” But barely five hundred meters from where he started, a cold laughter echoed from above.

“Oh no! The demon is back!” Dough spun around, ready to flee, but the image of Senior Sister Bi Yi’s delicate face flashed in his mind, and he stopped abruptly.

“Damn it!” Gritting his back teeth, Dough broke into a frenzied run, feet barely touching the ground. Fortunately, his weight had left a clear trail in the marsh on his way in, now serving as the perfect guide for his retreat.

A round figure shot across the marsh like a gust of wind, leaving behind only a plaintive voice lingering in the air: “Damn, he's fast…”

The rest of the journey was much easier. Dough ambled along, savoring the taste of the pastry in his mouth. When he was still half a mile from Banquet Moon Hill, he could already hear the incessant chirping of birds and insects, and his mood instantly brightened. He hadn’t realized he’d grown so fond of this ghostly… immortal place.

“I’m back!” Dough couldn’t help shouting, his breath strong from all his training. His voice rang out like a piercing rainbow. Instantly, Banquet Moon Hill fell silent. Dough’s broad face drooped, and he trudged toward the mountain gate, head hanging low.

The first thing he did upon returning was report to his senior brothers. They had finally enjoyed a few days of peace, but seeing the chubby fellow back, their faces immediately darkened. Dough regretted having eaten all the pastries; if he’d saved some, he might have been able to win them over. Alas!

“That’s good. With Uncle-Master coming, we can relax! When Master arrives… well, Uncle-Master can always handle him!” Hong Kun sighed in relief as he took the reply letter. “I’ll give this to Master when he comes!”

“Dough, was your journey smooth? Nothing happened?” Hong Peng asked with concern.

“Not at all!” Dough shook his big head. “It was exhausting and far, and there were demons in the marsh!”

“…”

“It suddenly got dark, and I heard all sorts of weird noises, chasing me all over…” Dough still shuddered at the memory.

“Heh, so it was him! That’s no demon, that’s an immortal!” Hong Peng chuckled.

“An immortal? That laugh hardly sounded like one! Since when do immortals sound so sleazy?”

“Don’t talk nonsense. You’re his junior, after all! Stop pouting, he was just teasing you,” Hong Peng said sternly.

“And you never told me I had to close my eyes to enter the Five-Colored Cave! I wandered in that basin for over an hour!” Dough suddenly recalled his ordeal.

“Sorry, Dough, I forgot…” Hong Peng looked sheepish. He usually went to the Five-Colored Cave himself to deliver messages—good food, good drink, and several junior sisters… ahem. Now that the job had been handed to this little fatty, he felt a bit resentful, which is why he’d forgotten to mention it.

Time flew by, and soon it was the day of Daoist Master Hongmeng’s discipleship ceremony. They’d all thought the place would be teeming with guests, but not a soul turned up that morning. It seemed their Master’s destiny wasn’t particularly auspicious. Still, the brothers kept themselves busy, decorating every corner, filling Banquet Moon Hill with festive cheer.

Apart from Dough, the other disciples were all visibly nervous. Only Dough’s mind was filled with thoughts of what he’d have for lunch. Hong Kun and Hong Peng were anxious too—after all, those trained by others had achieved so much, while their own disciple was nothing but a glutton and a slacker.

With all preparations complete, it was already the second quarter of the hour of Si, yet not a single guest had arrived. Master didn’t seem to mind, roaming around with a joyous smile. As the leader among his peers, Hong Kun could only hope Uncle-Master would arrive soon and be done with the ceremony.

Just then, multicolored auspicious clouds appeared in the sky. The disciples looked up to see several fairies descending gracefully, led by Daoist Master Xifeng.

“Uncle-Master! Senior Sister Bi Yi!” Dough leapt up at once, making the entire altar sway. His voice was so loud that even from afar, they could see Bi Yi’s little face fall.

“Greetings, Uncle-Master!” Led by Hong Kun, all the disciples knelt in obeisance.

“Rise,” Daoist Master Xifeng said as she floated to the ground, her five female disciples standing respectfully behind her.

“Haha… Sister, you’re here! Let’s begin the ceremony!” Daoist Master Menghong hopped over excitedly.

“Brother, show some composure!” Daoist Master Xifeng shot her brother a fierce glare.

Menghong stuck out his tongue and glanced at Hong Kun.

“Uncle-Master and the junior sisters, please take your seats!” The quick-witted Hong Peng hurried forward to lead the way.

“Peng’er is getting more and more considerate!” Daoist Master Xifeng smiled. Hong Kun couldn’t help rolling his eyes at Hong Peng.

“Oh, not at all!” Hong Peng grinned from ear to ear at the praise.

“Where’s Dun’er?” Daoist Master Xifeng looked around.

“Dun’er?” Hong Kun was puzzled.

“Giggle… Where’s that chubby Dough?” Daoist Master Xifeng laughed.

“Oh… That’s quite apt… Dough!” Hong Kun couldn’t help but laugh.

“Here! I’m here!” Dough, who had been hovering near Bi Yi, bounced over, making the platform wobble again and frightening Uncle-Master Xifeng into grabbing her chair.

“Greetings, Uncle-Master!” Dough flung himself to the ground with a loud thud.

“Giggle… That’s enough, that’s enough… No need to kowtow… Really, you little dumpling…” Xifeng quickly helped him up. “Thank you for delivering the letter last time!”

“It was nothing! Thank you, Uncle-Master!” Dough finally stood up.

“Since Uncle-Master is here, Master, shall we begin?” Hong Kun hurriedly asked Menghong for instructions.

“Yes, let’s begin!” Master, sitting beside Xifeng, glanced nervously at his younger sister.

The ceremony went smoothly and was over in less than half an hour. To everyone’s surprise, Daoist Master Menghong gave the four disciples ambiguous Dao names: Tie Zhu became Meng Tian, A Tu became Meng Di, Bao Yu became Meng Ren, and Dough was named Meng He, symbolizing harmony between heaven, earth, and man. But if pronounced differently, it sounded like “Meng Tian, Meng Di, Meng Ren”—Heaven, Earth, and Man in confusion!

Daoist Master Xifeng was both exasperated and amused. She thought about making her brother change the names, but now was hardly the time. Helpless, she let it go with a laugh. The three new disciples looked uncomfortable, but Dough didn’t care at all. All he cared about was that he could finally eat.

Although only a few were considered guests, everyone was family, and the atmosphere was warm and lively. Daoist Master Xifeng called Dough to sit beside her, constantly fussing over him. Ever since he delivered the letter, she had grown even fonder of this little chubby fellow. Dough’s heart was brimming with joy, especially with Senior Sister Bi Yi sitting on his right. For some reason, ever since he’d met Bi Yi last time, she’d been on his mind, and today, seeing her again, his heart pounded even more. The closer he was to her, the happier he felt for no apparent reason.

“Move over! You’re so fat, there’s hardly any room for anyone else!” Bi Yi said with a look of distaste. “Every time I see this chubby boy, I can’t help but think of a grunting piglet.”

“All right, all right…” Dough quickly scooted closer to Xifeng, wishing for the first time in his life he could crawl into a hole out of embarrassment.

“Dun’er, why aren’t you eating? Are you feeling unwell?” Seeing Dough only move his chopsticks without taking food, Xifeng grew concerned, afraid he’d suffered from eating too many strange pills.

“No… Just not hungry…” Dough sucked in his belly.

“You still need to eat something. Starving yourself isn’t good!”

“He’ll never starve—with that build, he could survive a whole winter without food!” Bi Yi mocked, unable to resist.

After that, Dough barely registered what others were saying, lost in sneaking glances at Bi Yi, until someone’s shouting snapped him out of his trance.

“Who goes there? Who are you to cause trouble at Banquet Moon Hill?” Hong Kun was shouting at someone below. Dough got up to see the hall suddenly filled with black-clad figures, all carrying bows and arrows.

“Heh heh! We heard old Menghong is taking on new disciples today, so we came to offer our congratulations!” The leader sneered coldly.

“What did you say?” Hong Kun drew his sword before he’d finished speaking.

“Oh, getting angry now?” The leader dodged aside and drew a large red-lacquered bow from his back.

“Kun’er, stand down!” Daoist Master Menghong soared between the two. “You little rascals, who sent you? How dare you act out in front of me?”

The black-clad man hesitated, then smirked, “Sent by? Heh heh… Who do you think? Who else but someone from the Moon?”

At that, Daoist Master Menghong’s face turned green and his lips twitched violently. With a cry, he vanished on the spot.

“Heh heh! Now you’ve got no one to back you up!” The leader raised his bow with a sly grin.

“Such impudence!” Daoist Master Xifeng, who’d been about to give chase, flicked her wrist and sent five stones flying. With a crash, five black-clad men fell to the ground.

“Five-Colored Stones?!” The leader staggered back in fright.

“Well! At least you recognize the Five-Colored Stones. Run along and tell your master, as long as I, Xifeng, am here, no one will bully my brother!” Xifeng’s tone was half praise for his knowledge, half warning for his boldness.

“And you… you aren’t afraid of what people will say, associating with a brother like that?” the leader asked, bracing himself.

“Haha… Let them say what they will—he’ll always be my brother!” Xifeng’s eyes flashed, and she raised her hand, ready to cast another spell.

“F-farewell…” The leader stammered, hurriedly retreating with his wounded men. Their master had calculated everything but forgotten about such a formidable junior sister!

“Be careful! I’ll go check on your Master!” With the enemies gone, Xifeng flew off in the direction Menghong disappeared.

The banquet couldn’t continue. Hong Kun had no choice but to order everyone to clean up. Dough was visibly unhappy—even though he was worried about Master, as soon as Senior Sister Bi Yi left, his hunger returned. He’d barely eaten, and now they had to clear everything away! But under the circumstances, no one dared mention food, so he could only swallow his saliva in frustration.

“Dough, are you all right?” Hong Peng asked with concern.

“I’m fine… Who were those people?” Dough shook his head with difficulty.

“Judging by their attire, they must be connected to the one on the Moon!” Hong Peng glanced skyward.

“Don’t say such things!” Hong Kun shot Hong Peng a glare, and he immediately fell silent.

Dough, however, was intensely curious. “Attire? You can tell just by the clothes?”

“Giggle… When you’ve got a guilty conscience, you know what you’ve done…” Suddenly, a melodious laughter rang from underground. The brothers all jumped, nerves on edge. Before they could react, a swarm of white-clad girls wielding mallets burst from the ground.

“They’re…” Hong Peng began, but dozens of hidden weapons rained down before he could finish. The brothers leapt to dodge, but Dough, the largest target, was buried beneath a pile of them. Unsurprisingly, almost all the projectiles had flown his way. In seconds, he was buried under a heap of white radishes.

“Radishes!” Tie Zhu’s cry snapped Dough out of his daze. Opening his eyes, he saw the hidden weapons were indeed white radishes. He tried to get up, but failed. His brothers were busy fending off the attackers, and no one had time to help him. Hungry and unable to move, he simply grabbed a radish and started eating. It was surprisingly crisp and sweet. As he ate, he watched his brothers and the white-clad girls spar. For now, it seemed his brothers had the upper hand.

“Good…” Dough was about to cheer when he saw Tie Zhu kicked aside, and A Tu stumbling back in defeat. Then a faint scent of osmanthus wafted through the air.

“Who goes there?” The sudden arrival of dozens of burly men in brown woodcutter garb wielding twin axes threw Hong Kun into confusion.

“You’re finally here!” the leading young woman in white pouted.

“We were delayed, sorry!” The lead woodcutter strode straight toward Hong Kun, swinging his axe. With a clang, Hong Kun’s sword nearly flew from his grasp.

“What strength!” Hong Kun exclaimed, and Hong Peng rushed in to support him.

Their brief advantage quickly disappeared as their opponents pressed in. Even Dough, who had eaten six radishes, lost his appetite and struggled to get up to help. But the more urgent things became, the more misfortune struck. Suddenly, his stomach began to gurgle and twist in pain.

“Brother, help me up!” Seeing Tie Zhu fall nearby, Dough called out desperately.

“Coming!” Tie Zhu reached out to help, but was immediately knocked down by two flying radishes.

As the brothers began to fall one by one, Hong Kun urgently called for a retreat. He murmured an incantation, and instantly conjured a barrier to protect everyone. The pursuing woodcutters crashed into the invisible wall, staggering back with bloodied heads.

“This is the Celestial Purity Shield—no immortal can break through!” Hong Peng shouted at the remaining attackers.

“Giggle… Is that so?” The leading young woman in white laughed and signaled to her companions.

In a flash, the white-clad girls vanished into the ground. Before Hong Kun realized what was happening, they had tunneled inside the barrier, leaving behind passages for the woodcutters to follow.

“Oh no!” Hong Kun groaned inwardly. “I completely forgot about that trick!”

“I’ll fight you all!” Shi Tou yelled, charging out with his sword, but was immediately battered aside by three mallets. He landed heavily in the radish heap—right on top of Dough, whose stomach, already in turmoil, could take no more. With a tremendous “pfft,” he let out a fart.

The sound was like thunder, deafening everyone. Before anyone could cover their ears, dust and radishes flew everywhere, and a stench quickly filled the shielded space. In that instant, there were no sides—those who’d been limping no longer limped, the fallen leapt to their feet, and everyone scrambled out through the tunnels like frightened rats.

When the dust settled, Dough, slightly dizzy from the fumes, found himself alone inside the shield.

“…This… this time… consider yourselves… lucky…” the leader of the white-clad girls gasped, clutching her chest, fearing she’d suffered internal injuries. Her sisters and the woodcutters were also holding their chests, staggering from the shock or sporting bruised faces from the flying radishes.

“We… cough… let’s go…” The leader hurriedly called her companions to support one another as they left.

“Brother! Brother!” Freed at last, Dough shouted in panic. With Hong Kun’s spell still active, he was trapped inside the shield, and the tunnels were too narrow for him to squeeze through. He tried recalling the earth-burrowing technique Master had taught him, but after that fart, he found he had no spiritual energy left. Helpless, he pleaded with his brother to quickly lift the spell.

“Don’t… cough… just wait a bit…” his brothers, barely holding back their own nausea, clung to Hong Kun’s arms for dear life.