Volume One, Chapter Five: The Arrival of the Martial Uncle

The next evening, Yi Bing suddenly heard a thud in the courtyard. No way, not at this hour? That was exactly when Master had left yesterday. Sure enough, before he could open the door, his master’s head poked in through the crack.

“Have Kun and the others returned with the message?” Master seemed quite uneasy, glancing nervously around.

Yi Bing could only stare, bewildered.

“Heh, good, they haven’t come back…” Without waiting for a reply, Master darted right in front of him.

“Master… you…” Yi Bing hesitated. He wanted to say that was last night’s business, but seeing his master’s erratic state, he swallowed the words.

“Pretty quick, right? Give me a sugar ball!” Master said excitedly, pulling out a pink bag.

Yi Bing looked down. The bag was indeed full of sugar balls, but they were oval and pink, nothing like the black, round ones from before.

“Hurry and eat! Then keep practicing!” Master’s smile vanished instantly.

“Oh…” Yi Bing quickly grabbed one and popped it into his mouth. The old sugar balls were sweet and tangy, but these were salty and sour—more like “salty balls.” Still, he didn’t dare ask questions; something to eat was better than nothing.

In no time, an hour passed. The new salty balls were all gone, but Yi Bing felt nothing new. Aside from his stomach rumbling, his internal energy was still running wild. He couldn’t even control it, let alone open his meridians.

Master grew more and more agitated, his strikes heavier. Luckily, Yi Bing was tough as an ox; otherwise, he’d have been unable to endure it. He felt terribly guilty—he’d eaten so many of Master’s sugar and salty balls, but still made no progress. Since eating the new batch, his energy seemed split—one stream hot, the other cold—making his stomach ache in waves.

“Master? My stomach hurts…” As soon as Yi Bing spoke, his master’s slap landed.

“Still pretending you’ve got a stomachache? You’ve smashed dents in the floor but haven’t sunk an inch into the ground!” Master twisted his beard in fury.

“I’m not pretending… ow…” Suddenly, a sharp pain made Yi Bing clutch his belly.

“Ha! Still putting on a show…” With that, Master kicked him square in the groin, and a thunderous fart echoed through the room.

“Yikes!” Yi Bing shot up from the floor and crashed through the window at an angle.

“You—” Master, dashing outside, was stunned. Yi Bing was actually flying—and couldn’t stop, going higher and higher.

“Master, help! I can’t stop! Master, save me!” Yi Bing’s head spun as he soared.

Daoist Meng Hong’s jaw dropped. I clearly taught him the Earth Burrowing Technique—why is he flying? Did I teach him backwards?

“Wow! He’s flying!” The Hong family brothers rushed out, exclaiming in unison.

Their cries snapped Daoist Meng Hong back to his senses. He quickly reached out from afar and pulled the still-rising Yi Bing down.

“Thank you, Mas—ah!” The abrupt stop turned Yi Bing’s joy to terror; he was plunging straight for the ground.

But as he fell past his master, he heard him mutter, “I taught him the Earth Burrowing Technique…” Instantly, the lines from the scripture floated to Yi Bing’s mind.

With a thud, Yi Bing burrowed into the earth.

“Wow! He went underground!” the Hong brothers shouted together.

Just then, an angry female voice rang out overhead: “Senior Brother! Return my elixirs!”

Daoist Meng Hong didn’t even look up—he turned to flee, but before he could fly off, someone twisted his ear in a death grip.

“Aunt Master!” With a thump, the two Hong brothers knelt.

A young woman with arched brows glared at them fiercely. “Hmph!”

“Junior Sister… Junior Sister… ow, ow…” Daoist Meng Hong pleaded incessantly.

“Where’s my Profound Gold Elixir?”

“Gone…” He didn’t dare resist in the slightest.

“Gone?”

“Ah… it’s all been eaten…”

“All of it? By whom?” She glanced at the Hong brothers, who shook their heads frantically.

“Yi Bing…” Seeing her confusion, Meng Hong hurriedly added, “My new disciple…”

“You…” She twisted his ear even harder. “Are you mad? Your elixir is yang, mine is yin—they can’t be taken together! It’s deadly!”

“No, no… he can fly now!” Meng Hong waved his hands desperately.

“No? Where is he?” She was incredulous.

“He tunneled down…” Hong Kun quickly pointed to Master’s feet.

“Really!” Hong Peng nodded emphatically.

She finally let go. Of all her senior brother’s disciples, Hong Peng was her favorite—he never lied. Seeing his nod, it must be true.

“I’ll… go pull him up.” Daoist Meng Hong looked around, searching for Yi Bing underground.

“No need. Didn’t you see the rabbit come out?” She smacked her own mouth as soon as she said it.

“Ah…” Meng Hong yelped and vanished.

“Oh dear, it’s all my fault for mentioning rabbits!” she sighed. “Get up.” The Hong brothers quickly rose.

“He’s called Yi Bing?” She glanced at them, then dived into the earth. Since the rabbit came out, following its burrow should be right. Sure enough, she found a chubby youth clinging to a rabbit’s leg with his teeth, while the frantic creature kicked wildly. She grabbed Yi Bing by the collar, pried open his mouth, and leaped out of the ground.

“Rabbit! Rabbit!” Yi Bing, mad with regret, tried to dive back for it, but she hauled him back.

“You… Mistress?” Staring at her beauty, Yi Bing was instantly smitten. Her cheeks flushed bright red.

“Don’t talk nonsense! This is your master’s junior sister, Daoist Xi Feng. Call her Aunt Master!” Hong Kun scolded with a slap.

“Aunt Master…” Yi Bing said uncertainly, thinking, They really do make a pair!

“Chubby rascal, always talking nonsense!” Daoist Xi Feng teased, but she looked genuinely pleased.

“Seeing how scared Master is of you, I thought…” Yi Bing pouted pitifully.

“Nonsense! He’s scared because he stole my elixirs!” Xi Feng’s face darkened as she pressed her fingers to Yi Bing’s pulse.

“Mistress! No… Aunt Master?” Yi Bing blurted out again.

“You little… still joking? You’re nearly dead!” She twisted his plump cheeks mercilessly.

“Aunt Master, spare me! I won’t dare again!” Yi Bing yelped, hopping in pain.

“It’s not me you need to beg! You ate so many of my Profound Gold Elixirs—mine are yin, your master’s are yang. Taken together, they’re lethal! How many of your master’s Chaos Gold Elixirs did you eat?”

Yi Bing’s face turned ashen as he shook his head.

“What do you mean? You don’t know?” Aunt Master was getting angry.

“I don’t know! But… the whole bag… I ate it all…” As she spoke, Yi Bing suddenly felt dizzy and nearly collapsed. Fortunately, Hong Kun caught him, his gaze filled with a mix of envy and resentment. Yi Bing quickly shut his eyes, pretending not to notice.

“What?!” Aunt Master shouted in alarm, making Yi Bing peek. She was urgently checking his pulse.

“Stop pretending! Your qi is flowing smoothly, and your meridians are already open! This is truly fate!” She gave Yi Bing a smack on the forehead as he lay half in Hong Kun’s arms.

“But why am I still dizzy…” Rubbing his head, Yi Bing hurriedly stood up.

“Tell me everything!” Aunt Master said, both annoyed and amused.

“So… after I finished Master’s elixirs, the whole night passed, but Master still thought it was yesterday… The taste was different, salty… After eating them, my stomach hurt… one stream of heat, one of cold… then I let out a huge fart… and I flew… Then… the rabbit, it’s such a pity…” Even at the end, Yi Bing couldn’t help mentioning the rabbit he’d nearly caught, his mournful gaze making Daoist Xi Feng almost laugh out loud.

“Ah, forget it, it’s fate. What’s eaten is eaten, but at least return my elixir bag!” Seeing Yi Bing clutching the pink pouch, she reached out her hand.

Yi Bing hurriedly smoothed it and handed it over. “Aunt Master, please don’t be mad at Master! He’s a bit crazy, can’t keep track of himself, and his teaching is all over the place! Besides his bad temper…” He rubbed his swollen cheek. “He’s actually quite kind—he’s never let me go hungry! He gave me all his elixirs. If you must be angry, punish me instead!” Remembering his master’s pitiful state, Yi Bing dropped to his knees with a thud.

The Hong brothers, who had been secretly jealous, were dumbfounded. They hadn’t expected this kid to speak up for his master. Daoist Xi Feng, too, was both shocked and delighted—amazed that one so young could take responsibility, and glad that her senior brother had picked such a good disciple.

“How should I punish you?” she teased.

Yi Bing panted, gritted his teeth, and finally blurted out, “Let me go hungry for three… three… three days…” As soon as he said it, regret flooded his face. Three days—he’d really gone too far.

“Three days is no good!” Xi Feng frowned.

“Aunt Master…” Hong Kun couldn’t help but interject, “He’s terrified of hunger—three days might really kill him!”

“Three… and a half…?” Yi Bing, mustering his courage, looked at her pitifully.

Xi Feng was laughing inside, but kept a stern face and shook her head.

“Three and a half plus… two hours!” Yi Bing tried to look resolute, though his legs were visibly shaking.

“Aunt Master, just three days! He’s just gotten his life back—if he goes hungry again…” Hong Peng finally couldn’t help but speak up.

“All right! But you must agree to three conditions!” Daoist Xi Feng conveniently went along.

“Aunt Master, whatever you say, your disciple would die a thousand deaths without complaint!” Yi Bing tried to stand, feebly but with bravado. He could talk big, but three days without food—he wanted to slap his own mouth for saying it.

“I’ll tell you when I think of them…” Before she finished, Daoist Xi Feng soared away in the direction Master had fled.

“Brother, I’m hungry!” Yi Bing immediately turned to Hong Kun, pleading.

“Hey, you little—!” Hong Kun was so angry his nose bent.

“Brother, don’t swear!” Hong Peng perked up.

“You want a beating too? If you break your promise to Aunt Master, even Master wouldn’t dare!” Hong Kun glared.

“Not even a secret bite?” Yi Bing was on the verge of tears.

“Hang on, Yi Bing. Aunt Master is scarier than Master!” Hong Peng patted his chubby cheek consolingly.