Chapter Forty-Six: The Noble Fart

Wu Daode was holding a ring box in one hand and gripping Chen Shishi’s hand tightly with the other, his face twisted in a sickening expression as he whispered something to her. When he heard Yang Jiekai’s words, he frowned, turned, and glared fiercely at Yang Jiekai. “Did I call you over? What business do you have here? Are you done with your work?”

Yang Jiekai narrowed his eyes and smiled. “No.”

“Then hurry up and get lost! Go do whatever you’re supposed to be doing!” Wu Daode had borrowed some money yesterday to buy a ring, planning to win Chen Shishi over today. Naturally, he was in no mood to be interrupted.

Yang Jiekai didn’t move, remaining in place with a smile. “As a security guard of Silk Petal Group, my duty is to patrol the building, promptly detect and resolve anything that could harm the company, and maintain order. Captain Wu, it’s working hours now. Company policy states that unless there’s a work transfer, staff shouldn’t be at other departments’ posts. You’re the chief of security—do you have some official business with the front desk?”

Yang Jiekai glanced at the bouquet of roses and the ring in Wu’s hands and laughed. “And you need roses and a metal ring for this official business? What kind of task is that? Need a hand?”

“You…” Wu Daode’s greasy face twitched with rage, but he had no retort. Yang Jiekai was right; it was indeed work hours, and his actions were against company rules.

“This is a matter for the leadership—does it concern you?” Left without a better argument, Wu Daode tried to use his “authority” to cow the other.

“Oh, you’re quite a leader indeed.” Yang Jiekai fought back a laugh. Leader? Since when is a security captain considered leadership?

Wu Daode, with his piggish looks and presumably porridge for brains, failed to catch the obvious sarcasm, thinking instead that Yang Jiekai was awed by his authority. Puffing up, he said in a pompous tone, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you—in this company, don’t ask about things that aren’t your concern, don’t meddle in what isn’t your business. It’ll do you no good. Just stick to your own job!”

“Oh, I see.” Yang Jiekai nodded thoughtfully, then walked straight to Chen Shishi, pointed at the front desk phone, and asked her, “Shishi, what’s the number for Assistant Lin’s office?”

Chen Shishi was taken aback, not sure why Yang Jiekai wanted that number, but she quietly pointed to a list posted nearby. “It’s here, this one.”

“What are you up to?” Wu Daode was also confused. Why would this guy want Lin’s office number? That woman was famous for her pride—calling her without good reason was a sure way to get chewed out.

“Thank you.” Yang Jiekai ignored Wu Daode, smiled politely at Chen Shishi, and quickly dialed the number, pressing the speakerphone.

The call was swiftly answered by Lin Sha’s cold voice, “State your business.”

Yang Jiekai frowned slightly. He hated people speaking to him in that tone, but cleared his throat and addressed the phone, “Hello, Assistant Lin. I’m the new security guard at Silk Petal Group. I’ve discovered an anomaly and wish to report it.”

“Security?” Lin Sha sounded surprised, as if she’d never expected a guard to call her office. Still, she got straight to the point, “What’s the anomaly? Speak up.”

Yang Jiekai said, “It’s like this…” He paused deliberately, glancing at the puzzled Wu Daode. “The security captain, Wu Daode, is harassing a female colleague during work hours for no reason. As a guard, I feel obliged to report this conduct, which is disgraceful and damages the company’s image.”

Bang—

From the noise on the other end, it was easy to tell Lin Sha had slammed the phone down hard. As a pillar of Silk Petal Group, she dealt with countless tricky issues daily; for a woman of her caliber, every minute at work was precious, and any call not deemed truly urgent was just harassment.

“You…” Wu Daode was livid, speechless with fury. He never imagined the kid would call Lin’s office just to tattle on him, and so brazenly, too!

“Calm down, Captain Wu, I’m only following your leadership’s instructions!” Yang Jiekai’s expression was unchanged, grinning as he looked at Wu Daode.

“When did I ever tell you to snitch?” Wu Daode roared.

Yang Jiekai smacked his lips. “Didn’t you just tell me to do my own job? Upholding company rules and order is part of security’s duties. You, Captain Wu, were off post and harassing staff during work hours. As per your instructions, I have to report such behavior—otherwise, wouldn’t that be disrespecting you as a leader?”

He put particular emphasis on the word “leader.”

Wu Daode, nearly beside himself with rage, wanted nothing more than to tear Yang Jiekai limb from limb, but forced himself to hold back. Seeing Yang Jiekai’s smug expression, he sneered, “You think this is enough to bring me down? Ha! You’re too naive. Lin doesn’t care about such trivialities and will only remember you harassed her with a call. Just wait and see which of us gets it worse!”

Yang Jiekai replied righteously, “Captain Wu, what are you saying? Silk Petal Group is a united and progressive company. I never intended to bring anyone down; I only act to uphold company rules and order.”

Before Wu Daode could retort, Yang Jiekai abruptly changed the subject, smiling, “Besides, even if I wanted to, how could I compete with you, Captain Wu? I’m just a grunt, you’re the leader. How could I possibly win? Both you and Assistant Lin are company leaders. We all work under your guidance. Lin may outrank you, and you’re barely worth a fart in her eyes, but Captain Wu, you needn’t worry. If she really pursues this, at worst you’ll get a good scolding, lose some bonus, maybe a demotion…”

“Nonsense!” Wu Daode, shamed into fury, cut him off. His pig-headedness made him fall for the simplest provocation, and with Chen Shishi nearby, he bellowed, “Lin Sha’s just an assistant, while I’m a captain. Who’s higher, captain or assistant? Do you even know what an assistant does? They just run errands behind others! Even if she blames me, I won’t take her seriously!”

“Wow!” Yang Jiekai cried out theatrically, staring at Wu Daode in exaggerated “admiration.” “So Captain Wu’s rank is really that high? I always thought you weren’t even worth a fart in front of Assistant Lin, but now I know—you really are something! You’re actually worth a fart in her presence. Remarkable!”

“Of course…” Wu Daode was basking in the flattery, but Yang Jiekai’s blunt words made him catch himself. Glaring, he snapped, “Who are you calling a fart?”

“You, Captain Wu!” Yang Jiekai replied brazenly. “I used to think you weren’t even worth a fart to Assistant Lin, but now I see you are! Or are you saying you aren’t even worth that?”

“I certainly am!” Wu Daode, thoroughly confused, blurted out.

Yang Jiekai squinted, his voice meaningful. “Ah, so Captain Wu admits he’s at least a fart!” He suddenly looked around and shouted, “Everyone heard that, right? Don’t ever disrespect Captain Wu again. He himself has admitted it: he’s a fart—an exalted one at that!”

Roars of laughter erupted in the lobby. Even Chen Shishi couldn’t help but cover her mouth in mirth.

Only then did Wu Daode realize there were still plenty of people in the lobby. His face turned alternating shades of green and white as he glared at Yang Jiekai. “You’ve got guts! Just you wait!” With that, he stormed off in a huff.

Yang Jiekai shrugged, looking helpless. “What a nuisance. Yet another person telling me to ‘just wait.’”

As he spoke, he redialed Lin Sha’s office.

“State your business!”

“Hello, Assistant Lin, it’s me again—the new security guard. I’d like to report something else: Captain Wu from security just threatened me, told me to ‘just wait’…”

“I don’t care who you are. After work, you just wait for me!” Swamped with paperwork and finally losing patience with what she considered a string of nuisance calls, Lin Sha exploded, shouted, and slammed the phone down again.

Listening to the dial tone, Yang Jiekai looked bemused. “Huh, another one telling me to wait?” He turned to the still-astonished Shishi. “Does everyone in this company have a habit of telling people to wait?”

The rest of the day drifted by, and by the end of his shift, Yang Jiekai had long since forgotten about the two people who’d told him to “wait.” Incidents like that hardly troubled him.

After changing out of his uniform, he headed for the elevator to the underground garage, only to spot Gongsun lurking suspiciously at the company entrance. When he saw Yang Jiekai, he gestured furtively. “Hey, come here, quick!”

Yang Jiekai was puzzled but walked over with a smile.

“You’re just going to leave like this?” Gongsun asked, exasperated by Yang Jiekai’s apparent ignorance.

“How else should I leave?” Yang Jiekai was baffled by Gongsun’s odd tone.

Gongsun, seeing Yang Jiekai truly had no idea how serious things were, sighed and lowered his voice. “Everyone in security knows Wu Fatty has ties to the underworld. You’ve pissed him off this time—he won’t let it go easily!”