Chapter 25: I Would Have Been Better Off Giving Birth to a Flatbread!

I would rather have birthed a sesame flatbread than have birthed you!

Li Zhi was on the verge of madness. It was beyond humiliating, yet he lacked the courage to defy his Imperial Father, so he could only bite down on Li Shimin’s sock while tears streamed down his face.

"Mother, if your spirit is in heaven, please save your little Zhi-nu, woooo..."

He failed to realize one point: his mother, Empress Zhangsun, had been firmly on Li Shimin’s side. Had she been alive in the sixth year of the Yonghui era, she would undoubtedly have joined in on this tag-team beating.

"This boy—fickle, spineless, and always looking to shift the blame when trouble arises. He deserves a thrashing!"

Li Qing continued to list Li Zhi’s crimes. With every point made, Li Shimin’s strike rate increased, as if he had gained a speed buff. Li Qing wasn't just talking nonsense; while Li Zhi did have his accomplishments, his flaws were significant—arguably even greater than his merits.

The legacy he inherited was the kind that would have made Liu Che laugh with glee. Yet, Li Zhi’s strategic vision was abysmal. The Tibetan Empire’s geographical position near the Hexi Corridor posed a direct threat to the Western Regions, the Silk Road, and even the safety of Chang'an. Instead of addressing this, he chose to attack the crumbling Goguryeo, handing the Tibetans a window of strategic opportunity to grow powerful.

Even when the Tuyuhun were being attacked by the Tibetans and came to Chang'an for help, Li Zhi remained indifferent, his head entirely occupied with Liaodong. One must understand that Li Zhi’s campaign against Goguryeo was driven by political vanity rather than strategic necessity; the Tang Dynasty’s core interests lay in the Silk Road within the Hexi Corridor. Without the Tuyuhun to keep them in check, the Tibetan Empire grew steadily. By the time the Tang realized the danger, the Tibetans had fully spread their wings and crushed Xue Rengui at the Dafei River.

It was a classic case of military strategy being sacrificed for political theater. His level of incompetence was equivalent to a player in a MOBA game fixating on the enemy's weak support while allowing their carry to farm freely.

As for his lack of responsibility and tendency to shift blame, he truly lived up to the role played by actor Bao Guo—no different from the Jiajing Emperor, and perhaps even worse.

Take, for instance, the time he wanted to depose Empress Wang. After being rebuffed by Chu Suiliang, Li Zhi asked Li Ji, "Chu Suiliang is a minister entrusted with the late Emperor’s legacy. Since he opposes deposing Empress Wang, should I just drop the matter?"

When an Emperor asks such a leading question, how could Li Ji respond? He could only say, "This is a family matter for Your Majesty; why ask an outsider?" This response earned him a lasting reputation for sycophancy and failing to provide proper counsel. Li Qing even suspected that when Li Ji said on his deathbed that he wished to be buried in his court robes to face Emperor Taizong, it was a subtle dig at Li Zhi for turning the court into a cesspool.

Then there was the matter of Zhangsun Wuji’s "treason." Li Zhi played the part of a weeping, innocent victim, claiming he couldn't bear to punish his own uncle. Xu Jingzong used the precedent of Emperor Wen of Han and Bo Zhao to weave a web of fabricated charges. Without bothering to distinguish right from wrong, Li Zhi acted on Xu Jingzong’s framing and exiled Zhangsun Wuji’s entire family.

Even more interesting was when he wanted to depose Wu Meiniang. He summoned Shangguan Yi to discuss it, only for Wu Meiniang to catch them in the act. The spineless Li Zhi immediately claimed it was Shangguan Yi who had urged him to do so. Consequently, Shangguan Yi and his son were framed by Xu Jingzong at Wu Meiniang’s behest, thrown into prison, and executed. His wife, Madame Zheng, and daughter, Shangguan Wan'er, were reduced to slaves in the掖庭 (Ye-Ting) Palace.

How truly miserable; that is the price of trusting the wrong person.

However, if the Jiajing Emperor had inherited the legacy of the Zhenguan era, his jaw would have dropped in delight. This was precisely why Wu Meiniang was able to step-by-step become Wu Zetian. If the Emperor refuses to take charge, constantly shirks responsibility, and even pushes the Empress to the forefront, power will inevitably be eroded over time.

Compared to Li Shimin, Li Zhi was truly the "weak son of a tiger father." Li Shimin was a man of steel and backbone who personally drew his bow to slay his own brother. Had his horse not been startled, allowing Li Yuanji to find an opening, Li Yuanji’s life would have been ended by his own hand. He made it clear to the world: "I, Li Shimin, killed my brothers for my own ends, and it has nothing to do with anyone else."

If I were an employee, I would choose Li Shimin as my boss—he actually steps up when things get tough.

If this were Li Zhi, the narrative would have changed to: "The coup was planned by Zhangsun Wuji, the troops were led by Qin Qiong, and my brothers were killed by Yuchi Gong acting on his own initiative. It has nothing to do with me."

Just thinking about it made one’s fists clench.

His habit of playing with the court while keeping his hands clean, and allowing Li Yifu and Xu Jingzong to maliciously attack dissenters, had a direct consequence: by the time he died, there wasn't a single loyal minister like Chu Suiliang, Zhangsun Wuji, or Li Ji to serve as the pillar of the court. This left his son without anyone capable of standing against Wu Meiniang.

Every action has its reaction; fate is fixed.

Li Qing was tired from the beating, so he sat on the side, recounting Li Zhi’s "glorious achievements" to Li Shimin. Li Shimin had been exhausted too, but with the "bloodlust" Li Qing had stirred in him, he beat Li Zhi until he passed out.

"You beast, you beast! How could I have sired such a beast!" Li Shimin scooped up water from the table to splash Li Zhi awake, pointing at his nose and cursing: "I would rather have birthed a sesame flatbread than have birthed you! A flatbread could at least satisfy hunger, but you are nothing but a piece of trash!"

"Brother Li, Brother Li, your choice of words is off," Li Qing said, pressing down on Li Shimin’s arm. "How can you say he is *like* trash? It is clear that he *is* trash."

"Father, your son is wronged!" The awakened Li Zhi crawled over, clutching Li Shimin’s leg and howling, "If you keep beating me, I shall die! Think of Mother; she would never want you to beat me to death..."

"Beating you to death would save me the trouble!" Li Shimin roared. "Look at yourself! And you actually dared to make that Wu Meiniang your Empress? You are truly... truly..."

"But I love her with all my heart!" Li Zhi stiffened his neck, showing a rare moment of defiance. "This is love!"

"Love your mother's flatbread!" Li Shimin swung the rattan whip again.

"Enough, Brother Li," Li Qing said, stopping Li Shimin’s hand. He looked at Li Zhi and said, "Since you are not convinced, we will make you submit. Go and tidy yourself up; you are coming with us in a moment."

"As for you, Wu Meiniang," Li Qing turned to her, offering a chilling smile as her eyes widened in terror. "Do not worry; Brother Li and I will not do anything to you. How we deal with you will be left to Zhi-nu himself once he returns."

"Where... where are you taking Zhi-nu?" Wu Meiniang asked, suppressing her inner fear.

"To a place where he can wake up to reality." Li Qing clapped his hands and retrieved a bag of cream puffs from his system space. "Here, Brother Li, have one."

Li Shimin took the puff and tossed it into his mouth. "Hmm, this is quite sweet and fragrant. What is this?"

Li Qing gave a mischievous grin. He leaned into Li Shimin’s ear, glanced at Wu Meiniang, then at Li Zhi, and whispered something. Before Li Qing could even finish, Li Shimin spat out the puff as if he had been electrocuted and dry-heaved. "Urgh—"